


What Now?

by Bat_momTM



Category: Boyfriend to Death (Visual Novels)
Genre: AFAB reader - Freeform, Abuse, Childbirth, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Forced Pregnancy, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Injury, Menstruation, POV Second Person, Pregnancy, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sex, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, period mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bat_momTM/pseuds/Bat_momTM
Summary: Screaming.The sound filled the room and leaked into the other parts of the house.Ren was helping Sano at your feet while Strade was at your side, holding your hand.But you weren’t there.You were nine months ago.
Relationships: Protagonist/Strade (Boyfriend to Death), Strade (BTD/TNR)/Reader, Strade (BTD/TNR)/You
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	1. What Now?

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warnings are in the tags. I recommend looking there whenever a new chapter is published in order to avoid anything that may harm you.
> 
> Stay Safe <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is originally a (really) short fic to answer to a "what if question" I asked myself, but then I was motivated to write more chapters. Oops.
> 
> Just know that this chapter was supposed to be a stand-alone story.
> 
> Strade gets a little out of character, especially at the end, but who cares.

Screaming.

The sound filled the room and leaked into the other parts of the house. 

Ren was helping Sano at your feet while Strade was at your side, holding your hand. 

But you weren’t there.

You were nine months ago.

You were bent over the arm of the couch, a knife dangerously close to cutting your throat open if you made one wrong move. Right now though, you wish you had made a wrong move. You wish you he would’ve sliced your throat so deep that there was no chance of survival. You wish he would’ve killed you before he finished fucking you. You wish he would’ve severed any chance of this happening.

But he didn’t.

You remember when you missed your period. You remember telling yourself it was just late. It’ll come.

It didn’t.

A few weeks later you got sick. Really sick. 

Strade had called Sano. Strade was usually nicer when he came, but you were so scared that you couldn’t relax. 

Sano made you take a pregnancy test. Strade made you stay for the results, especially after you begged not to hear. You knew, but having your fears confirmed caused a breakdown like you’ve never had.

Sano suggested various forms of abortion, but Strade had other plans. He’d never had a chance like this before. A new way to break you. A new way to make you his. 

You tried to kill yourself that night.

Strade didn’t let you bathe often, but he figured you’d earned one that night. There was no lock on the bathroom door, but you figured if you were quick enough it wouldn’t matter. You found an old razor of his under the sink. Breaking it was easier said than done, but you managed. You slipped a blade from the razor and held it in your hand as you lowered yourself into the warm water of the tub. You positioned it to cut. You couldn’t move. Tears welled in your eyes, eventually silently falling. You were stuck in your mind. You could only think about slicing down your arm. The tendons, the muscle. The crimson staining the water. The nerves. The veins. You thought about digging your fingers in the wound like Strade would. The pain. Would it hurt? Would it be numb at that point? Find out. Cut. Cut. Cut. CUT. CU T.  
C U T.

Strade walked in to see you frozen, blade only pressed to your wrist just hard enough to cause beads of blood to form. For the first time you can recall, you fought back, maybe hoping he’d kill you himself. But he didn’t.

You were kept chained in the living room after that.

The plus side to that was that you didn’t need to wear your collar unless you had to be unchained.

The downside was Strade didn’t let you leave his sight, especially in the bathroom. He even started sleeping on the couch with you. It was horrible. He snored like a lion, something you never got used to. Some nights, however, he’d cuddle you. Those nights weren’t unbearable. Somewhat enjoyable even. If you ignored his snoring(which was almost impossible without a pillow over your ears) and his smell, you could pretend it was someone else. You never felt safe around Strade, but when he cuddled you, you felt less in danger.

Ren was probably the best part of the whole situation. Despite the horrible things Strade threatened you with for when the baby was born, Ren tried to be optimistic. He often helped you with your morning sickness, helped you reposition so you were more comfortable, and made you the foods you were craving. He started to perk up in a way you hadn’t seen. It was almost like a child excited over an expected sibling. It almost gave you a reason to be excited.

Almost.

Now, you were in more pain than you’d ever been. Your lower half felt like it was being lathered with lava. You were squeezing Strade’s hand, the one time he ever offered any comfort to you. Tears burned their way down your cheeks and your throat was raw from your screaming. Sano was speaking to Ren, who was very uncomfortably assisting him in whatever he needed. You couldn’t make out anything they were saying, but you really didn’t care for obvious reasons. Every fiber of your being hurt. 

But then it was over.

You felt ethereal like you had died and were looking down on the room from above. The rush of hormones felt like a high you would never come down from.

What felt like mere moments later, a weight was lowered into your arms. You looked down. A child. Your child. Your baby. 

Strade’s baby.

Strade.

You turned your head to look at him; he hadn’t moved from your side. His face had contorted. It was an expression you’d never seen from him before. It was something he’d never felt before, and his expression painted his confusion. You stared at him for a while, trying to read his mind. Finally, you asked the question that plagued your mind, just barely audible to anyone other than Strade,

“What now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact time. In writing this I accidentally made the baby a somewhat-developed OC so oops?  
> I don't know if I want to continue the story, so this is all I have for right now.


	2. Now she stays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't going to continue this, but then I wanted to write about Maus because I accidentally made her an OC and so I added this and I'm probably going to add more in the future.
> 
> So basically, what I'm saying is this isn't much of a Strade/Reader anymore, sorry-
> 
> Content Warnings are in the tags. I recommend looking there whenever a new chapter is published in order to avoid anything that may harm you.
> 
> Stay Safe <3

He kept her around.

Despite your protests, Strade kept the baby around. 

You begged Strade, pleaded to him to let Sano take her to a hospital, to utilize Safe Haven laws and let her live a normal life, but Strade isn’t that kind. He’s cruel and selfish, and this child was his in a way nothing else had ever been his before. He wasn’t going to give that up.

You cared for her the best you could in your situation. Ren helped, of course, and “uncle Sano” stopped by every now and again to assist as well. Strade even tried to help from time to time, but he was an awful parent. 

You’d expected him to get bored of the child he now calls Maus (you had no say in the name) in a week and ask Sano to get rid of her. But he didn’t. 

He cared for her. 

It was a sick and twisted version of care, in usual Strade fashion, but he did care. Not in the same way he “cared” for you or Ren either. No matter how mad or frustrated he got with her insistent fussing, he never hurt her badly. Instead, he’d simply push her off to you or Ren and go downstairs, even if he didn’t have anyone down there.

Before you knew it, she was learning to walk. 

Suddenly, keeping an eye on her wasn’t a simple task anymore. You could blink and she’d disappear. Even with three sets of eyes in the house, it seemed like she could vanish. However, it wasn’t really ever that big of a problem. If she did vanish you could easily find her again by following her babbles and giddy cries. 

Until she found her way into the basement.

You turned away for only a moment to move something from the floor to the table, and when you turned back, she was gone. You simply sighed and started your usual game of hide and seek. She wasn’t in the living room with you, so your next stop was the kitchen. Then the hallway. Then the bedrooms. Did she make it upstairs? No. Bathroom? She couldn’t have opened the door, she’s too short to reach the handle still. She couldn’t have left the house for the same reason. 

You went to call for Ren, have him help you with the search as you grew more and more worried, but before anything could leave your lips, you heard it.

“Mutti!” Strade’s most recent name for you, despite your wishes. He had been in the basement with last night’s “guest” since about 10am. He was still down there, which meant he was calling you to the basement. The one room in the house you haven’t been in since…

To say you were scared was an understatement.

You made your way to the top of the steps, fidgeting with your tank top the entire way. The door was wide open. Luckily, you learned his reasoning for calling you without having to go down a single step. He stood at the bottom, a smiling and babbling Maus in his arm. A smile wrinkled his blood-splattered face as he started his way up the steps to you.

“Look who wanted to come help Vati! Isn’t that sweet?” He poked at Maus with his free hand as he spoke, finally reaching the top of the steps. You took her from Strade, wiping bits of blood that had made it from Strade’s hands onto her away as best as you could. There was but a beat of silence between you and Strade before he ushered a warning, “Next time, you’ll join her.”

You would check to make sure the basement door was actually shut multiple times in an hour after that. Although, it wasn’t for your safety as much as it was hers. Sure, it was a miracle that she didn’t tumble down the stairs and break her neck, but you didn’t want to even imagine the horrors that were going on down there for yourself, let alone expose her to them. You didn’t want her to grow up used to that like she would so many other fucked up things. She was already going to think the abuse you and Ren endured was normal. If she started to “help Vati”, even then, she could end up just like him. 

That thought terrified you beyond words.


	3. Stay Safe Down There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warnings are in the tags. I recommend looking there whenever a new chapter is published in order to avoid anything that may harm you.
> 
> Stay Safe <3

“Happy birthday!” you woke Maus up with a large smile. She grumbled and rolled over, burying her head in her pillow. You chuckled and poked at her some more until finally, she sat up groggily.

She was five years old today. Five years. You didn’t expect yourself to last this long, let alone for her to.

For the most part, she’s had the most normal five years you could imagine for her. Other than the basement incident and the occasional blood left on Strade, she’s been left out of Strade’s “business” entirely. 

Maus made “uppy” hands at you, causing you to smile to yourself as you lifted her up, positioning her on your hip. She snuggled into your side, still groggy. You walked her downstairs and sat her on the couch. 

“Happy birthday Maus!” You heard a cheery voice from behind you. Your smile widened as you turned to see Ren, a plate of colorful pancakes in his hand. Maus grinned and jumped up, suddenly wide awake as she hugged Ren, who had to fumble to keep from dropping the pancakes.

“Where’s the birthday girl?” The cheery voice that didn’t bring a smile to your face finally called out. Strade entered the room, receiving the same greeting Ren did from Maus, plus a kiss on the cheek. “Vatti has your birthday present!” His signature grin was plastered on his face as he made eye contact with you.

That can’t be good.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a tan box with a bright green bow holding it shut. The box itself was thin and long, about the length from your elbow to your wrist. Maus took the box with glee and struggled with the ribbon for a moment before finally being able to open it. Your eyes widened as she pulled the gleaming object with an excited grin.

An open black pocket knife with a hunter green accent on the wooden hilt. It was considerably smaller than the box it came in, but it was still a knife. A knife given to a five-year-old.

“What the fuck,” you found the words leaving your mouth before you could stop them. You turned to Strade, who had been watching for your reaction. He raised an eyebrow at you, almost daring you to keep talking, his stupid grin still present. “Strade. She’s five.” 

“It’s a small knife, much smaller than my first one.” He argued. His tone felt like a rope pulling you in. You could feel the burn in your chest as your anger began to build. However, if there’s one thing you’ve learned in your time with Strade, it was to not get angry. Unfortunately, there was only so much you could hold back.

“She could hurt herself, Strade. She’s not even old enough to cut her own food yet, let alone have a knife!” 

“Are you really raising your voice at me?” You froze for a moment. To the untrained eye, Strade was still grinning and poking fun, but to you, his expression changed completely. It was all in the eyes. The grin in them fell completely. His challenge had been accepted and he wasn’t happy about it. You looked down, almost trying to hide from his gaze. Your view moved from the floor over to Maus, who was examining her new possession. Her new toy.

Because that’s all anything is to a five-year-old. A toy. It doesn't matter how many times you'd try to explain to her it wasn’t a toy; she’d end up playing with it like she would anything else.

It struck you hard as to what Strade was trying to accomplish. This was a punishment for you. A new way for him to torture you. He wanted to drive you mad with worry. You cracked your brain wondering what you could’ve done to cause this. Did you say something to piss him off? Did you touch something you weren’t supposed to? You couldn’t think of anything you had done to peeve him. Although, this was Strade; he could just be doing this for fun.

A sharp gasp.

You looked over at Ren, the source of the noise. He had clasped his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide. You followed his gaze over to Maus, who was looking straight down at the ground, her eyes just as wide as Rens. “Oops…” She said quietly. You looked down.

The knife was lying next to Maus’s increasingly bloodied foot.

Blood.

Oh.

You immediately began to panic, rushing to her, asking her if she was ok. However, panic is a plague.

Crying.

You picked her up and set her on the couch, taking off her torn sock to assess the damage.

It wasn’t great.

“Dammit Strade, how sharp was that knife?” You turned quickly to him. It wasn’t until now you realized he was laughing. “Strade, this isn’t funny. She needs stitches

“Well, then you better give her some” 

“I can’t give stitches! She needs to go to a hospital!” You spoke as Ren came back into the room -you hadn’t noticed him leave- with a rag to keep blood from getting everywhere.

“Well, I can’t do that for very obvious reasons.”

“Well, you can do stitches, right?” You asked, recalling your time in the basement.

“I could. She’d have to come downstairs though,” He smiled at you, knowing exactly what you were thinking. “Don’t worry, no ones down there.”

The feigned genuinity did little ease your nerves, but thinking about it…  
It wasn’t a good idea, it was terrible by every and any means, but it was the best option (next to having you attempt stitches for the first time with no guidance and just letting her bleed). 

You sighed in defeat. “I really hate you.” 

“Watch it, sweetheart”

“Just take her.”

“Aw, it’s sweet that you think I needed your permission.” He chuckled and picked up the sniffling Maus.

“If you do anything to her-”

“-You’re really going to make threats?” He didn’t even try to hide the look he gave you under a smile. You shut up. The only sound for a few long seconds was Maus’s sniffling sobs. You turned away, allowing Strade to quickly leave your sight towards the basement.

At least she’ll never see it the same way you did.


End file.
